maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
