I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
