If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
