she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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