I smell stomach acid.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
