..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
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