Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
