So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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