she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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