Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
