so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
