I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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