Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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