so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
