Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I can text with my tongue
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize