apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
