Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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