I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
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so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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