Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
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