I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
