That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
