I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
