Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
