If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize