I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
