I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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