Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
How drunk are you?
Completed.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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