Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
