so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
