gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
