I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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