Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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