Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
