I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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