That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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