I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
