he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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