i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
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She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
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I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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