He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
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he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
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I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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