he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
