remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Panties = found
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
