my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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