My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
