For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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