im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
