Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
