I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
