yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
