Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
