just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
