Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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