captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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