Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
