we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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