i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I don't think brook has ever known best
My cat gives me a boner
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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