Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Please don't give away my fajitas
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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