were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
