Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
