I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
