I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
